Lamentations 3:31-33
"For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men".
This particular scripture verse has been a means of grace in my life over the past 7 months.
August- I began a new job, moved in with two wonderful roommates, my last two classes begin at UNF, and I ended a wonderful 2 1/2 month "relationship" with a good friend.
September- Jacksonville experienced 4 days of straight rain and our apartment roof caves through (in my roommates room), I move into the Holiday Inn on Baymeadows Rd. Oh and on accident I leave my textbook inside my apartment and can't get it out for 3 weeks due to "liability" reasons.
October- We were relocated from the Holiday Inn into a company stay type suite on the apartment complex premiss, finally allowed to get our stuff from our apartment, I ran a 5K and experienced 3 weeks of consistent swelling in my ankle that wouldn't subside.
November- Went to an urgent care center and XRays came out fine on my ankle and after a month the swelling went down, experienced 3 weeks of sickness (cold, cough) due to lack of sleep and pulling all nighters to finish out my two classes to graduate.
December- Continuation of all nighters at Florida Coastal Law School (they don't have to deal with parking decals!!) with my roommate Sarah, ended up failing a class and couldn't graduate and I began experiencing inflammation in my knee over Christmas.
January- Begin doctors appointments (XRays, blood work, MRI) to determine inflammation in my knee, tests prove that the pain I was experiencing was due to a fluid build-up, informed that we could finally move back into our place the beginning of February and began my class Research Methods of Psychology over again with a much better teacher.
February- After seeing an orthopedic he insisted that we drain my knee and he proceeded to send the fluid away to be tested. Results a week later showed, Gout in my knee. Gout is a disease in the knee that forms from a buildup of uric acid. It is unheard of that someone of my age has this. 90% of people who get Gout are men and women who usually have it are over 50+. My doctor said she has never heard of this type of case before and neither had my orthopedic. We FINALLY moved back into our place after being displaced for 4 months and I lost my job the day before I turned 24.
What do I say to all of this chaos? I hope that no one ever has to go through what I went through these 7 months. Is this is a season of suffering and trials the Lord brought me through? A season of sacrifice? or Trust? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. Maybe I won't ever figure it out or maybe its not meant to be understood. These experiences have been so very hard. I've told myself over the years, "your a good student, you don't fail, your successful, your an above average student" and then too fail a class and not even graduate. To communicate to my parents and siblings that I failed was one of the hardest things to do. Studying for a test in a hotel room is impossible (don't try it). Eating out for a month is disgusting. Being sick during finals, pulling all nighters for exams and working a F/T job is practically impossible. I don't even know how I got up every morning to face the day. Running was my favorite past time. I haven't run since October and its been quite a struggle for me. Now I don't even know when my next run will be. Being with someone for 2 1/2 months last summer taught me a lot about myself and I wouldn't trade that season for anything. It was a short summer season that God somehow planned but He also planned for it to end in the most settling way. Finally realizing I have a type of disease that is completely unheard of for someone my age has been hard to understand.
The Lord has caused grief and affliction to come and go these past 7 months but their has been an unceasing amount of peace and joy in my heart. I have cried much and but I know I have smiled and laughed much more. Lamentations reminds me that "He will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love". I know that He is holding me and caring for me. Have I sought God in the midst of this insane turmoil? I wish I could say, yes but I have not. I believe now I am finally getting the big picture. God wants my attention. I can finally say, now He has it completely. Sometimes God has to cause grief and affliction and to bring us to our knees and He has done that with me. Although He cast me off for a little while, He has brought me back to Himself. This is just another season of life. Is it closed? or is it still open? I don't know, only He does. For "He is in the heavens and He does all He pleases".
There are many questions that I am faced with right now. Where will I work? Where will I live when August comes around and my lease is up? When can I run again?! What will summer hold for me? Graduate school? Teaching in Europe? but I am not living my life worried about these, I am living my day for today and looking forward to tomorrow.
- Sarah
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Wow Sarah. If I wasn't a christian I might be tempted say "that sucks sarah," or "I feel so sorry for you". However, because we both know that God is working all of this together for your good and His glory, there is no place for those comments. Instead, I am very encouraged by what you shared. Continue to seek God in your trials and to have faith in His providence and you will experience the grace of God like "streams of living water". I also love that verse you shared. Isn't it amazing how God can use just one verse to provide unending amounts of peace and comfort?
In Corinthians it speaks speaks of suffering for Christ, of experiencing sorrow but always rejoicing, of having nothing and yet possessing everything...this reminds me of what you are going through and I believe you are honoring the Lord by how you are walking this out. It is comforting to know that God will never give us more than we can handle, though it may feel like too much sometimes. Thank you for your humility in sharing this Sarah and for being an example to us. The Lord has good things in store for you as He declares in Jeremiah 29:11-12 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you."
Sara, thank you for your humility in sharing your struggles with us in order that we may hold you up in our prayers. In reading about your struggles I am struck afresh with the consequences of our sin in the revelation of God's wrath through the futility and death all around us. I am also freshly aware that God has saved us from all of this and as christians our lives our fulfilled in him and death has lost it's sting. It is amazing to see God's grace in your life walking you through this. I pray that through this you would be more aware of his amazing grace and come to treasure him more because of your trials. I will be praying for you.
Kevin
James 1:2-"Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds."
Sarah, thank you so much for the steadfast example you display of having a joyful heart in the Lord through the trials that you have recently gone through.
Psalm 27:14-"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
I'm praying for you dear!
Thank you all for your encouragement and for preaching "the Word" to me. Thank you! This week I have been overcome with many unexpected blessings. I know that He is caring for me.
Please specifically pray that I would not feel guilt or condemnation for having a lack of devotion to Him. This is what I mostly struggle with and it is hard but I know that it is the "whole duty of men" as Piper would say.
Thanks guys!
-Sarah
Post a Comment