I thought to share a journal entry of mine because I think that perhaps many of you can relate.
"I think that I make to many decisions based on how I feel. If I let myself become informed by subjectivity, it will only lead to despair in a fallen world. Yet at times I cannot alleviate this weight that presses in on me so. My heart yearns to be joyful, but it as if my sin will not allow it. I begin to preach myself the Gospel again, but its foundation has been loosened in my life because of sin. It has almost lost its effect. How can I profess something that my life does not support? How can I call myself a child of God and yet live as a forsaken one? How can I sing a lyric that proclaims the sinner that I once was, when I am that now? O' sinful heart, you bring me to despair. I cannot bear my own deceitfulness."
It was at this moment that God began to work in my heart and show me where my thought process had gone awry. How quickly I gave up on the Gospel! Even in these words God showed me how I was letting myself be decieved by trusting in that which I had done, and not what Christ had accomplished. Most importantly, as I read the objective words of truth by Jermiah in chapter 17, I was greatly encouraged.
Jeremiah 17:5-10
"Thus says the LORD:
'Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched
places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose trust in in the LORD.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
I the Lord search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.'"
Isn't it amazing how I can read words that were written 2500 years and they can directly apply to my life today! Even more amazing is the grace of God to lead me to a truth that pierced that shell of my sin and shed light on "the deceitfulness of my heart." Praise be to God for his never-ending mercy!
-Kyle Glick-
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1 comment:
I love this passage in Jeremiah so much because of the STARK contrast it provides between the two ways our trust can be channeled. One the one hand, you have language such as "desert," "wilderness," "shall not see any good," "parched," and "cursed," while on the other hand you have words such as "blessed," "does not fear," "stream," "green," "not anxious," and "fruit." It vividly shows the direct relationship between sowing and reaping.
I can definitely relate to what you shared exactly. Lacking joy and living as if I had no hope. The unfounded feelings get me every time; I give in to them as if they were truth. I just read this quote on feelings by C.S. Lewis the other day that I really liked: "Feelings come and go, and when they come a good use can be made of them: they cannot be our regular spiritual diet."
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